MARK GOULSTON: Well, one of my favorite quotes comes from my late mentor and HBR friend Warren Bennis. How do we sort of realize what’s going on in that moment and sort of start to realize maybe some of the things that are getting in the way and sort of, as you say, causing us to after about 20 seconds kind of start to derail and go off and into our own minds?

I can think of so many reasons why we might be terrible listeners. And what they fail to notice is the person they’re speaking to is getting a little bit restless. And it feels so good and they lose track of time. And I think what happens is after the first 20 seconds, they go from a dialogue to getting stuff off their chest. And the reason for that is that often when people start speaking, they feel a kind of momentum.

MARK GOULSTON: I think you’re absolutely right. My proposition is this, most people are bad listeners but actually think they are good listeners. And you can tell me if I’m right or wrong. So I wanted to start by making something of a proposal to you. MARK GOULSTON: I’m so pleased to be on, Sarah. Mark, thank you so much for talking with us today. Today I’m talking with Mark Goulston, a psychiatrist and the author of many books, including Just Listen, Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone.

SARAH GREEN: Welcome to the HBR IdeaCast. Mark Goulston, psychiatrist and author of Just Listen, explains how.

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